Talk Show

TALKSHOW SCRIPT Dr. X:Hello and welcome to Your Life Sucks, Get Over It. Today’s topic will be violent relationships and why the heck people stay in them. We have 5 very special people on the show today. Now, first we have to get to know you. Please state your name and blood type. Tom: What does blood type have to do with ANYTHING? Dr X: Just answer the question. Tom: Uh†¦Tom†¦and I don’t know my blood type†¦ Dr X: Right then. And you, please state your name and blood type Elsa: Elsa, and why do YOU have to know my blood type? Dr. X: Because it’s MY show.YOU’RE just on it because your life sucks! Elsa: No. That’s Caitlin. NOT ME!! Dr. X: O†¦k†¦and you, name and blood type. Saint: My name’s Saint†¦and I love football. Dr. X: Wait, REAL name and BLOOD TYPE!! Saint: Patrick, and I love FOOTBALL!! Dr X: Ok, we know you like football. Now state your blood type. Saint: FFFOOOOOOTTTTTTTBBBBBBAAAAAAAAALLLLLL!!!!!!! Dr X: You know what, forget it. And you, name and blood type. Mario: Mario Ortega, blood type AB negative. Dr X: Ok, good. And you? AJ: (Starts to cry)†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦.. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Mario: That’s AJ. He’s a little EMOtional.AJ: AHHHHHHHHH, what? Dr X: All right then. Let’s get started. So, who actually has BEEN in a violent relationship? All:†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦. AJ†¦AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Dr X: Anyone? Mario:†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦. Me. Dr X: All right, now we got a show going! So tell us, Mario, what role did you play in the violent relationship? Mario: The violent one. Audience: OOOOOOOOOOOO!! Dr X: Hmm. What did you do to her†¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦. or him? Mario: Uh, her, and I pushed my pregnant wife out a moving car. Audience: BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Dr X: Why? AJ: TO MANY QUESTIONS!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Mario: O†¦k†¦My father got on my nerves.D r X: Oh, I see. You were mad at your FATHER so you pushed your WIFE out a moving car. That makes PERFECT sense!! Moving on! Mario: No, wait, that’s not what I†¦ Dr X: Tom, you’ve been quiet. What’s up with you? AJ: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Tom: SHUT UP!!!!!! AJ: †¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦Ã¢â‚¬ ¦ Tom: Thank you. Anyway†¦. AJ: (stabs self with pencil) Tom: (Looking at AJ) Uhhhh†¦ Can I move? Dr X: NO!! As you were saying. Tom: (Still looking at AJ) My best friend Nick was in a violent relationship. Dr X: (rubbing chin) Interesting. So how did this affect you? Tom: Ummm, I felt uncomfortable?Dr X: GOOD!!! AJ: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! All (including audience): SHUT UP!!!!!!!! AJ: (whimpers) Dr X: Ok, Eliza†¦. Elsa: It’s ELSA!!! Dr X: How do you fit into all this? Elsa: MY best friend Caitlin was in the violent relationship with HIS best friend Nick. (Points to Tom) Tom: Don’t you point at ME like that!!!! I didnâ €™t have ANYTHING to do with it!!! Elsa: (Still pointing at Tom) I’ll point where it want to!!! AJ: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Saint: I like football! Dr X: THIS IS NOT THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW! THIS IS MY SHOW AND THERE WILL BE NO FIGHTING ON MY SHOW!DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR! (Everyone but AJ is absolutely quiet. AJ is still crying. Someone in the audience coughs. ) Dr X: We’ll be right back after this commercial break. Dr X: Welcome back to Your Life Sucks, Get Over It. (Looks to Tom and Elsa, who are on opposite sides of the stage. ) We were just getting to Saint. Saint: Foot†¦ Dr X: DON’T YOU SAY FOOTBALL!!!!!!! Saint†¦soccer†¦. Dr X: (dirty look to Saint) All right now. How do you fit into this? Saint: I’m Caitlin’s new boyfriend. Dr X: And how did this come about? Saint: After Nick beat Caitlin up, I asked her out.Dr X: So you were taking advantage of that vulnerability she was going through just after she and Nick broke up. Saint: Noâ € ¦ Dr X: Now, Mario, do you know anything about this particular violent relationship? What’s your connection to it? Mario: I was Nick’s anger management teacher when Caitlin got a restraining order on Nick. Dr X: So you teach an anger management class when you have your own anger problems? Mario: I got over my anger problems. Dr X: Right. So, since you’re in charge of the anger management class, why do you think that Nick beat up Caitlin?Mario: She did something he didn’t want her to do and felt like he needed to take control of her by showing her that he was in charge. Dr X: I see. Now, AJ, you’ve done nothing but cry and stab yourself with a pencil. Just where do you come into this? AJ: AHHHHHHHHHH!!! Dr X: STOP THAT CRYING!! (AJ stops crying) Now, answer the question. AJ: †¦I was in Nick’s anger management class. Everyone in there was under court orders to take the class. Everyone in there had hit his girlfriend. We all felt like we needed to control something, or someone, so we tried to control our girlfriends.Dr X: Hmm. Eliza†¦ Elsa: IT’S ELSA!! Dr X: What do you think caused Nick to feel the need to control people? Elsa: How am I supposed to know? I don’t know him; I don’t even like him! Dr X: Tom, you were Nick’s best friend, what do you think caused it? Tom: Problems at home. He and his dad didn’t exactly get along. Dr X: What do you think caused that? Tom: Nick’s dad beat him up. Dr X: Elizabeth†¦ Elsa: IT’S ELSA!! Dr X: Were there any signs before Nick beat Caitlin up that Caitlin was in a violent relationship? Elsa: Yes. Dr X: What were they?Elsa: Nick made Caitlin spend all her spare time around him, Nick made her stop hanging out with me, he always had to know where she was, he told her what to do, he even slapped her and left a big red nark on her face. Then Caitlin tried to break up with Nick, but he gave her a ring and she went out with him again, even though I confronted them both about that mark on her face. They both denied that he did that to her, but I know he did it. Dr X: Well, now you know the signs and the reasons. Make sure your life doesn’t suck because of a violent relationship. Until next time!